Thursday, November 17, 2011

Books & Things Thursday - Maria Zannini Interrogation, Uh, Interview

Maria Zannini is wanted for questioning in the case of the Disappearing Fiction Writer.

Her husband, Greg was the first witness we brought in for questioning.

Q. How often do you see your wife? Is it true she doesn’t write when you’re at home?

A. I see her a couple of times a month. And yes, when I’m home she spends most of her time with me unless she has a deadline to meet. If you don’t hear from her in her usual social circles, she’s either working—or putting me to work.

Q What is it we keep hearing about her nonfiction work? Why has this cropped up all of a sudden? 

A. It’s not really all of a sudden. I’ve been nagging her for YEARS to write nonfiction rather than fiction. She’s really good at it too. Years ago she wrote for a national magazine about rheas and emu. We got letters from all over the world wanting her to tell them more.

I was never happy she got interested in fiction. That’s like the most thankless job in the world.

Q. Maria writes an awful lot of steamy romance novels. Does that ever bother you?

A. Have you read her stuff? That woman can curl my toes from fifteen feet away.

We then brought in two witnesses who are known confidantes of Maria Zannini. Her dogs: Tank and Iko.

Q. Tank, you've got the dog's eye view on things - have you noticed any unusual Google searches on Maria's computer?

A. Do I know you? You smell like a cop, a cop with no cookies. Bug off.

All right. We’ll try Iko. He looks friendlier.

Q.You, Iko. I hear Maria locks you in a cage when she goes out. Does she do this to keep you from snooping on her computer?

A. Not the computer—the furniture. But I haven’t been in prison in months. I’m reformed. No more furniture chewing for me. I’ve seen the light.

Q. What has she written recently that gives you 'paws' for concern?"

My only concern is that she works too much. Sometimes I have to get between her and the computer so she can take a break and love on me. (I’m very lovable.)

Oh, oh. Here comes Tank again. Man, that’s a big dog.

Tank: Didn’t I tell you to shove off?

Iko: She was asking about mommy.

Tank: And what did mom tell you about strangers?

Iko: :hangs head: Oh…yeah. Move it, buddy. We’re not allowed to talk to strangers.

I can see I'm barking up the wrong tree here, let's move on to the outside of the house. Nothing here but trees and chickens.

Q. Hey, you! Chicken! Can you confirm or deny if poultry disappearances have anything to do with Maria’s next book?

A. Bwaak! We’re getting picked off one by one—but only the roosters. One day me and Carl were strutting around, acting, cocky, checking out the ladies (if you know what I mean). The next minute—whoosh. Carl was gone. I looked everywhere for him, but all I found was a bloody trail.

I don’t know nuthin’ about no book. But if I’m in it, I hope she spells my name right.

Q. And what is your name?

A. Dinner.

Ah-ha! This Tweet has led me to Maria herself. Bring her in, boys. I see you’ve had to hog-tie her. We knew she wouldn’t come peacefully.

Q. So, Maria...What's this we hear about future projects and non-fiction work? Aren't your paranormal romances doing great? The reviews are spectacular. Are you giving it all up for something new?

A. Your hands are empty. Do you need a shovel?

If you don’t mind I’ll ask the questions. People want to know what you’re working on.

A. I haven’t turned my back on romance. I suspect there will be two and possibly three romance novels in the works in 2012. But I really want to concentrate on one of my favorite topics next year.

It’s an entire series of books on frugal living, from budgets, to shopping, to pet care. The only topic I won’t cover is kids. They scare the bejeebers out of me.

Happy now? Good. Now grab a shovel. I’ve got some bodies to bury.

Bio: When she's not hunting scorpions and chasing after zombie chickens, Maria’s often at her keyboard telling stories or blogging about her current homestead projects—where it's anyone's guess what body part she'll lop off next.



Her latest books are The Devil To Pay and Chain of Souls, Books 1 & 2 of the Second Chances series.

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26 comments:

Maria Zannini said...

Thanks for dragging me in, Jennifer. LOL!

I'm shocked that a) you found me, and b) nobody bailed me out.

This is one of the most unique "confessions" I've ever made.

Tracy Jo said...

Great interview!! I love how you made it fun. Maria, I am looking forward to your non-fiction and hearing more about it. After what your hubs said too...I really need to get those romance novels in my hand!

Angelina Rain said...

Lol. This was the most fun interview I've ever read!

Glad to know what the non-fiction writing is about. Now I can't wait to read it.

PS: Pet Tank and Iko for me.

Dru said...

That was fun and I would love to read your book on frugality.

Live Out Loud said...

Actually a bunch of people bailed you out but the money sort of 'disappeared'...
___________________________________
I had a lot of fun Maria - anytime you're up for another interrogation, I'm your gal!

Maria Zannini said...

Tracy Jo: I always feel I have to warn people about the sexy stuff before they read my stuff.

Angelina: Will do. The boys are always up for petting.

Dru: It's going to be an entire series. The first one is on budgeting.

Jennifer: Hmm...the bail money disappeared. Frisk her, boys. :o)

raelynbarclay said...

BRILLIANT! That has to be the best interview...er...interrogation :) I've ever read!

Bodies...a backhoe is so much easier when you have more than one Maria.

Sandra Ulbrich Almazan said...

Fun interview, Maria! Looking forward to reading your non-fiction.

Ellie said...

That was hysterical!!! I'm reading this at lunchtime and I actually laughed out loud. Luckily I didn't choke - but now my co-workers think I'm crazy. (Well- crazier than before)

Ellie

Live Out Loud said...

Oh, Mom. I happen to know your co-workers are well aware of your craziness!!

So glad you enjoyed the post. We'll have to go out for a big dinner because I recently came into some (bail) money.

Maria Zannini said...

Raelyn: You are so SMART. I should've thought of the backhoe.

Sandra: The frugal series is off to a good start. But I got derailed when someone started using the series title all over the place. Now I need to think of something different--fast.

Ellie: Well, I'm glad you recovered. I'm sure Jennifer would've brought me up on charges for that too. :o)

Cate Masters said...

Loved the interrogation. Glad Tank's earning his keep, lol.

Maria Zannini said...

Cate: Poor Tank. He had a bad night yesterday. But he's better today. He's always got my back. :)

Shelley Munro said...

That was fun. I'm still chuckling about your rooster called Dinner. I think your idea is fantastic and in this economy people need a book on frugal living. I look forward to reading it.

LD Masterson said...

Maria, you know that - "And what is your name?" "Dinner." - exchange was perilously close to being a groaner.

Great interview.

Maria Zannini said...

Shelley: Strangely enough, I have a good many chickens called Dinner. Coincidence? ;-)

Linda: Ref: groaner. This is what I get for hanging around you too long.

Angela Brown said...

I'm done. I'm so done. Stick a fork in me and call me dinner. Oh wait...no, not that. That's one of the chickens, roosters, poultry-before-fried animals.

This was such a wonderful confession, interview, interrogation. Sorry Maria, I just didn't have enough to bail you out :-)

Thanks Maria and Jennifer

L'Aussie said...

You're innocent, I'm sure! Love non-fiction writing (usually about travel.)

Denise

Live Out Loud said...

You're welcome, Angela! And to think interrogations have a bad rap!!

Maria Zannini said...

Angela: It doesn't matter on the bail--evidently the money disappears before it reaches the judge.

Denise: Why do I get the feeling you don't believe me. ;-)

Jennifer: Hey, is that a new laptop? Methinks I know where that bail money went.

Live Out Loud said...

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. (Typity-type-type...)

Gene Pool Diva said...

Witness protection is always an option. You two are hilarious!

Live Out Loud said...

Thank you Diva! You have great taste.

Mike Keyton said...

Do I know you? You smell like a cop, a cop with no cookies. Bug off. Has that dog been reading Clay Cross?

Maria Zannini said...

Mike: Tank is a great fan of Clay Cross--as is his mom. :)

Au and Target said...

Hey what fun! Never read any Zannini but will look out for it.